Single Butches: Like a black Friday sale at Wal-Mart

I took B out for dinner this evening. It had been a while since we had some time just to ourselves and some money that wasn’t going for prescriptions or what have you.

Alone in the sunroom section of the restaurant as the warm afternoon light changed to evening, we laughed and smiled and enjoyed our time alone…then somehow got to talking about the nature of her femme-ness and my butch-ness if you will.

Of the B/F couples we know, we thought of who we knew where butch spouses were in any way more dominant or “in charge” or assertive than the femme in the relationship and the femme was more submissive.

This included our own relationship.

“I have a hard time to even think of one,” she said with a giggle.

“Me too.”

It’s true, I’m pretty quiet for the most part, spare with my spoken words, kinda shy. But not only that, I don’t seem to feel the need to be aggressive. Like most of us, if I’m disrespected, sure, I’ll call you on your shit, but for the most part, I’m easygoing.

A lot of my friends/acquaintances are the same, their partners were often the pursuers.

“I think it’s because we’re more shy maybe…”

“Or angry,” replied B with a laugh.

“Or shy and angry,” I said., “Why do you think that is?”

Her hypothesis: butch scarcity requiring femmes to work.

“I think it’s because butch women are pretty scarce. And a single butch is even more rare. You have to jump on one in the 5 minutes they’re single or else…it’s like a black Friday sale at Wal-mart.”

This comment made me almost choke on my drink from laughter.

Apparently because femmes have to fight for the scarce number of butches that exist. So if you’re gonna bag yourslf a butch, it’s survival of the fittest baby.

What do you think?

Do femmes secretly run the show? Do butches? What’s your experience?




5 thoughts on “Single Butches: Like a black Friday sale at Wal-Mart

  1. In my relationship with my man, I’m definitely the one who’s more domineering. Eek. It’s true. He gets my personality. He’s very laid back, gets angry when all the right (or arguably wrong!) buttons are pushed, but it takes a lot. He’s probably more patient than me, to an extent, more tolerant of my weird ways, We have quite skewed views on different things and I sometimes think I’m the more butch of the two of us (shh, even though I’d tell him that myself… lol.). I guess, in the bigger picture we balance one another out but I’m certainly far more assertive than he is… Hmm…

  2. I have never seemed butch by appearance but in every relationship I have been the butch of the two. I’ve always been the giver, the one who tries to win her heart. But yet the lead too. It is funny, if you were to see me by myself , you would thinkk yeah she’s prbably gay, but if you saw me with a girl, you would say that I was definintely the butchest one.

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