I took B out for dinner this evening. It had been a while since we had some time just to ourselves and some money that wasn’t going for prescriptions or what have you.
Alone in the sunroom section of the restaurant as the warm afternoon light changed to evening, we laughed and smiled and enjoyed our time alone…then somehow got to talking about the nature of her femme-ness and my butch-ness if you will.
Of the B/F couples we know, we thought of who we knew where butch spouses were in any way more dominant or “in charge” or assertive than the femme in the relationship and the femme was more submissive.
This included our own relationship.
“I have a hard time to even think of one,” she said with a giggle.
It’s true, I’m pretty quiet for the most part, spare with my spoken words, kinda shy. But not only that, I don’t seem to feel the need to be aggressive. Like most of us, if I’m disrespected, sure, I’ll call you on your shit, but for the most part, I’m easygoing.
A lot of my friends/acquaintances are the same, their partners were often the pursuers.
“I think it’s because we’re more shy maybe…”
“Or angry,” replied B with a laugh.
“Or shy and angry,” I said., “Why do you think that is?”
Her hypothesis: butch scarcity requiring femmes to work.
“I think it’s because butch women are pretty scarce. And a single butch is even more rare. You have to jump on one in the 5 minutes they’re single or else…it’s like a black Friday sale at Wal-mart.”
This comment made me almost choke on my drink from laughter.
Apparently because femmes have to fight for the scarce number of butches that exist. So if you’re gonna bag yourslf a butch, it’s survival of the fittest baby.
What do you think?
Do femmes secretly run the show? Do butches? What’s your experience?