p.s the above picture is from Tokyo pride, B and I are neither of those women.

Picture this, my dear wife B. a femme lesbian who doesn’t stick out as gay, unless she’s with me, sitting on a bus on the way home from the gym. She passes through downtown where alot of people from Pride are starting to disperse.

A woman who has come from our pride parade, which happened hear yesterday gets on the bus.

On an empty bus, she walks up to my wife and sits down next to her. The following paraphrashed conversation ensues:

woman.: I was at pride, did you go to pride?
B: no.
woman: why not?
B (who is practising being on the bus alone without panicking replies): I’m sorry I’m not able to talk right now.
woman: what? You don’t want to talk about pride?
B.: I don’t want to talk to you.
woman: So you hate gays?
B: (in her head and not said to this lady) If my wife was here, she’d punch you in the mouth.

Funny this woman thinks unless you’re festooned in rainbows, you must be straight.

If you don’t “look gay”, you must be straight.

An interesting example of, you can’t actually tell who is a lesbian and who isn’t.

Here are some fun gay quotes:

The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love heterosexuals. It’s just that they need more supervision. ~Lynn Lavner

My lesbianism is an act of Christian charity. All those women out there praying for a man, and I’m giving them my share. ~Rita Mae Brown

You don’t have to be straight to be in the military; you just have to be able to shoot straight. ~Barry Goldwater

Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands? ~Ernest Gaines

It doesn’t matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don’t do it in the street and frighten the horses. ~Daphne Fielding, The Duchess of Jermyn Street

Homosexuality is god’s way of insuring that the truly gifted aren’t burdened with children. ~Sam Austin

Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. ~Boethius, The Consolation of Philosophy, A.D. 524

If homosexuality is a disease, let’s all call in queer to work: “Hello. Can’t work today, still queer.” ~Robin Tyler

You could move. ~Abigail Van Buren, “Dear Abby,” in response to a reader who complained that a gay couple was moving in across the street and wanted to know what he could do to improve the quality of the neighborhood

That word “lesbian” sounds like a disease. And straight men know because they’re sure that they’re the cure. ~Denise McCanles

Happy Pride In Your Neck of the Woods 🙂


Toss Salads and Scrambled Eggs

What is a butch to do?

So here’s the deal. I’ve been looking for the right type of masculine person to compare myself to, in order to describe my type of butch-ness and the best I can do is this…I am Frasier Crane.

Yep. I watch it in re-runs when I’m sick and realised some stuff, I like snobby/intellectual things and to be comfortable.

I don’t much enjoy beers and sports except for the occasional stella artois and rugby.

If I could buy cool art and eat at expensive restaurants all the time, I would.

And I’m training to work in the mental health field.



Frasier (in reference to his gay boss): …I can’t understand how he would think that. We only talked about the theatre and fashion…Oh Dear God!


So does this now make me a gay man in a female body who likes women?

I am now so much more confused than when I started this post.

Freud would have a field day!

Monkiss after dark: queer erotic fiction

This post is inspired by an aspiring LGBT erotica writer I’ve been conversing with…

Some feminists disagree with my viewpoint that erotica made for women and by women that stars women is still part of the patriarchal paradigm.

I don’t buy that. Just because I was raised and socialised in a male-dominated society, does not mean I can’t twist the male gaze, break it’s neck and manipulate it to my own ends…I enjoy sex on my own terms and the male-dominated society I live in has no business in my bedroom.

Particularly when it comes to reading books by writers of good porn.

This brings me to Pat Califia, now Califia-Rice…

Important and seminal titles to add to your queer erotica library, if you haven’t yet:

Macho Sluts: Erotic Fiction

Doc and Fluff, The dystopian tales of a girl and her biker

Set in Stone: Butch on Butch erotica

This is an excerpt from Califia’s skilled writing hand…

“Butches need my hands,
My mouth, my eyes,
Because I see, I handle, I bestow
The hard-on, the female phallus,
The sweet prick of androgyne
Forever erect at the service of women.

Understand me—
My tricks are butches.
not men, not boys,

Even if they seem like boys
with female parts to you,
I know they are women.
And I am there for the part of them
That needs to be taken out of control—
Not with contempt,
Not as competition,
But as a reassurance, a reminder,
Of the body’s truth
Inside the fantasy,
The body that makes
All fantasies possible.

I am, after all, a lesbian.
I lust after beautiful women,
and Butches are the most beautiful women
In the world.”

It’s literature like that which makes me happy to be who I am and to love who I love.

Single Butches: Like a black Friday sale at Wal-Mart

I took B out for dinner this evening. It had been a while since we had some time just to ourselves and some money that wasn’t going for prescriptions or what have you.

Alone in the sunroom section of the restaurant as the warm afternoon light changed to evening, we laughed and smiled and enjoyed our time alone…then somehow got to talking about the nature of her femme-ness and my butch-ness if you will.

Of the B/F couples we know, we thought of who we knew where butch spouses were in any way more dominant or “in charge” or assertive than the femme in the relationship and the femme was more submissive.

This included our own relationship.

“I have a hard time to even think of one,” she said with a giggle.

“Me too.”

It’s true, I’m pretty quiet for the most part, spare with my spoken words, kinda shy. But not only that, I don’t seem to feel the need to be aggressive. Like most of us, if I’m disrespected, sure, I’ll call you on your shit, but for the most part, I’m easygoing.

A lot of my friends/acquaintances are the same, their partners were often the pursuers.

“I think it’s because we’re more shy maybe…”

“Or angry,” replied B with a laugh.

“Or shy and angry,” I said., “Why do you think that is?”

Her hypothesis: butch scarcity requiring femmes to work.

“I think it’s because butch women are pretty scarce. And a single butch is even more rare. You have to jump on one in the 5 minutes they’re single or else…it’s like a black Friday sale at Wal-mart.”

This comment made me almost choke on my drink from laughter.

Apparently because femmes have to fight for the scarce number of butches that exist. So if you’re gonna bag yourslf a butch, it’s survival of the fittest baby.

What do you think?

Do femmes secretly run the show? Do butches? What’s your experience?



Me, A Name, I Call Myself

“I have this idea that every time we discover that the names we’re being called are somehow keeping us less than free, we need to come up with new names for ourselves, and that the names we give ourselves must no longer reflect a fear of being labeled outsiders, must no longer bind us to a system that would rather see us dead.”    ―      Kate Bornstein,       

Hello Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks and Other Outlaws

I like to think of myself as somewhat of a renaissance butch. I figure its something like being ok with the possible dissonance between my body and my mind, sometimes.

Sometimes it’s simple and sometimes it gets really complicated.

I don’t know what else to call it. All I know is that Kate Bornstein is the closest thing to perfect I can think of respecting.

I’ve read everything Kate has ever published and own most of everything.

Check her out if you don’t already think she’s the best thing since Ben & Jerry’s caramel hat trick icecream! 😀



Manliness Challenge!

While poking around stuff on the interwebs on my favourite motorcycles, I found an article about ‘great men and their motorcycles’ and was subsequently seduced by a new website/blog; drum roll folks:

It is filled with awesome and entertaining articles every manly man and manly woman and manly androgynous human should know.
For example: 9 ways to build a fire without matches, How To Build a Table by Thanksgiving and Rediscovering the Barbershop.

For me, the blog is like visual crack. Not to poke fun at addictions but sweet god it’s pretty awesome.

So as a result, I’ve decided to give myself, the manliness challenge:

Here goes, until I get bored or almost kill myself, I’m going to attempt to do one of the things from the blog per week, report on and with photos of the disastrous/hilarious/near-fatal results.

Some of these aren’t feasible, i.e, I don’t have money to go experience Vegas like a gentleman, frankly, I don’t have the cash to experience Winnipeg like a gentleman.

I also have no intention of hunting wild game with a broken foot in the middle of a city. But we’ll see how it goes!

So come back tomorrow for round one: A Beginner’s Guide To Whittling — me, a sharp object and a stick.
Wish me luck.

May the best “man” win?