Pride

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p.s the above picture is from Tokyo pride, B and I are neither of those women.

Picture this, my dear wife B. a femme lesbian who doesn’t stick out as gay, unless she’s with me, sitting on a bus on the way home from the gym. She passes through downtown where alot of people from Pride are starting to disperse.

A woman who has come from our pride parade, which happened hear yesterday gets on the bus.

On an empty bus, she walks up to my wife and sits down next to her. The following paraphrashed conversation ensues:

woman.: I was at pride, did you go to pride?
B: no.
woman: why not?
B (who is practising being on the bus alone without panicking replies): I’m sorry I’m not able to talk right now.
woman: what? You don’t want to talk about pride?
B.: I don’t want to talk to you.
woman: So you hate gays?
B: (in her head and not said to this lady) If my wife was here, she’d punch you in the mouth.

Funny this woman thinks unless you’re festooned in rainbows, you must be straight.

If you don’t “look gay”, you must be straight.

An interesting example of, you can’t actually tell who is a lesbian and who isn’t.

Here are some fun gay quotes:

The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love heterosexuals. It’s just that they need more supervision. ~Lynn Lavner

My lesbianism is an act of Christian charity. All those women out there praying for a man, and I’m giving them my share. ~Rita Mae Brown

You don’t have to be straight to be in the military; you just have to be able to shoot straight. ~Barry Goldwater

Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands? ~Ernest Gaines

It doesn’t matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don’t do it in the street and frighten the horses. ~Daphne Fielding, The Duchess of Jermyn Street

Homosexuality is god’s way of insuring that the truly gifted aren’t burdened with children. ~Sam Austin

Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. ~Boethius, The Consolation of Philosophy, A.D. 524

If homosexuality is a disease, let’s all call in queer to work: “Hello. Can’t work today, still queer.” ~Robin Tyler

You could move. ~Abigail Van Buren, “Dear Abby,” in response to a reader who complained that a gay couple was moving in across the street and wanted to know what he could do to improve the quality of the neighborhood

That word “lesbian” sounds like a disease. And straight men know because they’re sure that they’re the cure. ~Denise McCanles

Happy Pride In Your Neck of the Woods 🙂

Single Butches: Like a black Friday sale at Wal-Mart

I took B out for dinner this evening. It had been a while since we had some time just to ourselves and some money that wasn’t going for prescriptions or what have you.

Alone in the sunroom section of the restaurant as the warm afternoon light changed to evening, we laughed and smiled and enjoyed our time alone…then somehow got to talking about the nature of her femme-ness and my butch-ness if you will.

Of the B/F couples we know, we thought of who we knew where butch spouses were in any way more dominant or “in charge” or assertive than the femme in the relationship and the femme was more submissive.

This included our own relationship.

“I have a hard time to even think of one,” she said with a giggle.

“Me too.”

It’s true, I’m pretty quiet for the most part, spare with my spoken words, kinda shy. But not only that, I don’t seem to feel the need to be aggressive. Like most of us, if I’m disrespected, sure, I’ll call you on your shit, but for the most part, I’m easygoing.

A lot of my friends/acquaintances are the same, their partners were often the pursuers.

“I think it’s because we’re more shy maybe…”

“Or angry,” replied B with a laugh.

“Or shy and angry,” I said., “Why do you think that is?”

Her hypothesis: butch scarcity requiring femmes to work.

“I think it’s because butch women are pretty scarce. And a single butch is even more rare. You have to jump on one in the 5 minutes they’re single or else…it’s like a black Friday sale at Wal-mart.”

This comment made me almost choke on my drink from laughter.

Apparently because femmes have to fight for the scarce number of butches that exist. So if you’re gonna bag yourslf a butch, it’s survival of the fittest baby.

What do you think?

Do femmes secretly run the show? Do butches? What’s your experience?

 

 

Me, A Name, I Call Myself

“I have this idea that every time we discover that the names we’re being called are somehow keeping us less than free, we need to come up with new names for ourselves, and that the names we give ourselves must no longer reflect a fear of being labeled outsiders, must no longer bind us to a system that would rather see us dead.”    ―      Kate Bornstein,       

Hello Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks and Other Outlaws

I like to think of myself as somewhat of a renaissance butch. I figure its something like being ok with the possible dissonance between my body and my mind, sometimes.

Sometimes it’s simple and sometimes it gets really complicated.

I don’t know what else to call it. All I know is that Kate Bornstein is the closest thing to perfect I can think of respecting.

I’ve read everything Kate has ever published and own most of everything.

Check her out if you don’t already think she’s the best thing since Ben & Jerry’s caramel hat trick icecream! 😀

 

 

Dear Bus Girl,

I saw you board the bus this morning and thought ‘now there’s a cool chick’.

You had an outrageous floral skirt on with loud yellows and purples, a long wool scarf and as much pink as you would dare, shoes and tights and accessories.

You sat right next to me in the easy access area with my broken foot boot dangling out in front of me and I felt happy.

I was happy because you’re a femme and you didn’t once look me in the eye and it was cool – our silent acknowledgement of one another’s presence.

You were so nerdy that it made me want to grin because I’m like a moth to a flame for mismatched, glasses-wearing girls with a penchant for sci-fi or something obscure and intellectual. And it might not have been cool when I was a twenty-something and I might have wanted to compete with you then, but now, it’s just fine if you’re smarter than me. And I bet you are.

The lime green casing over your iphone would have melted if you had looked into it any harder. I’m sorry if I made it uncomfortable for you, if you felt my gaze pressing a little too hard. I didn’t mean to interfere with your early morning reverie. I was merely appreciating you.

Today this butch noticed a kindred and it made me feel not so alone among a sea of average looking people, going about their average day. We were co-conspirators or at least that’s what my imagination wanted me to believe.

That somewhere we might pass each other by again with our respective partners and a tip of my cap would just be me saying ‘hey, glad you’re one of us’.