Is It Hot In Here?….Or Is It Just Me?

So B. has decided, since she’s gone back to work, that apparently, she can now take over the world.

She has started working out and has decided her next goal in life aside from going back to school is to become a body builder.

B and I have kind of a butch (me) / femme (her) thing going on.

She’s a little shorter than me but definitely curvier and can put muscle on like no one I’ve ever seen.

When B was in cooking school, the chefs would make her whip things by hand…in our first year of dating, her hands were like steel and her arms were sinewy, veiny, tattooed hotness.

It’s weird how gender and sexuality move in such a weirdly fluid way sometimes.

Sometimes I can’t help but get creeped out at how I melt when she, being a diverse and multi-faceted person, makes jokes like a frat boy while wearing a dress and heels….

…Or how she can fix things around the house when really, I’m mostly good for brute strength and grunt work…ditch digging, lifting couches…that sorta thing.

Anyway, when B exhibits her female masculinity, I turn my head like a dog and perk my hears like I heard something only audible to canines…”huh? wow…your hot!”

I like that B can make me surprise myself by finding something sexy that normal doesn’t do anything….

Also neat is that she’s possessive without being creepy/abusive.

When someone ‘notices’ me, B. notices them back, with another dog like behaviour…MINE!!

While I don’t endorse jealous behaviour, sometimes it’s nice to know your partner gets their feathers ruffled when someone shows you flirty attention.

Here’s a sexy quote for your pleasure:

“ When authorities warn you of the sinfulness of sex, there is an important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with the authorities. ” –Matt Groening

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The Fullness Of My Circle

“There has to be evil so that good can prove its purity above it.” – Buddha

I have embraced the circle as my symbol for the present.

This might sound peculiar but it makes perfect sense that the universe would draw me to this symbol.

In 2005 I moved to my current city because of a woman.

I wasn’t so much, running toward her as I was, running away from the straight world and all that it encompassed for me.

10 days later, I answered the phone and a female voice answered. It was another woman and I knew then, I had made a mistake.

For reasons I can’t fathom, recognising she had a drinking problem, was irresponsible and couldn’t hold down a job, I stayed with her for 2 years.

It was, as some counsellors call it, domestic terrorism; I was awoken at all hours, called all names, threatened, screamed at, ridiculed and used – for my extra income and stability.

In the end, it came to blows, on her end, not mine. As the taller and stronger one, I allowed her to lash out at me physically. I did only what I needed to do in order to protect myself.

“I’ll call the cops and tell them you beat me,” she snarled, a sharp whiff of beer on her breath, her legs unsteady.
I did what I could to wrestle the only phone in the house away from her and dialled 911 while she fought to pry the baseball bat she was threatening me with, from underneath my legs.

“My ex-girlfriend is trying to kill me,” I panted into the phone.

The next day, I walked into the office at a health clinic in my city and asked for help.

“You need to help me so that what happened never happens to me again,”

“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.” -Kenji Miyazawa

That journey got me to meet a lot of wonderful people. I stumbled and fell and did stupid things for a while, but I figured it out.

I spent some time alone and during that time, I met my wonderful wife.

She has supported my career change from media to psychology and now I’m returning the knowledge and the experience back to the community.

Full circle for me means coming back to the community, offering others who’ve experienced the violation of self by someone intimate the support they need to reclaim their lost selves.

It’s seven years now since I first stepped in to that situation and I am older, stronger and smarter.

Not to mention, I am far more certain of what I will tolerate before I cut you loose as a friend or lover.

I have lots to do before I finish my group proposal on how I will help women who’ve been hurt by other women, but I plan to do the best I can for as many people who graciously accept my help.

Sharing my knowledge and giving compassion is what I must do with my life now.

“On life’s journey faith is nourishment, virtuous deeds are a shelter, wisdom is the light by day and right mindfulness is the protection by night. If a man lives a pure life, nothing can destroy him.” – Buddha

Rage Out

Sometimes when I’m really mad, I mean like really just pissed right off, only Rage will do.

Today is one of those days…Women are traditionally not allowed to be angry and I’m here to tell you, BE ANGRY.

It’s far more therapeutic than shoving it down and pretending everything’s fine.

Fuck You I won’t do what you tell me

Apologise For Success?

How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
Anais Nin

I consider it an honour and a privilege to be acquainted with a diverse group of women, from counsellors and health care practitioners, to teachers, home makers, retail employees and people on social assistance or welfare.

Every one of them adds to my collective knowledge and wisdom and I don’t consider any of them more or less important than another; they are too dear to me to think such things.

However, an interesting conversation arose the other day during a conversation between women friends of mine whose adult siblings maybe didn’t fare as well as they did.

They feel guilty and sometimes apologetic because they are more financially or professionally successful than their sisters.

Why?

If you come from the same home and have the same privileges and opportunities.

It begged the question: “Are men out there apologising for their privilege? Are they feeling guilty for reaching higher benchmarks in their careers than other people?”

I don’t think so.

Why do women think they have to apologise for their success?

We are far beyond the times when we have to be dependent on others for our financial well-being or measures of accomplishment.

Just food for thought.

peace, love and TGIF monkiss

Only Rights Can Stop The Wrongs

I met a woman who escaped life as a sex worker and addict to come out the other side with a career and a family.

Her story and the stories of thousands of other girls and women are heartbreaking; these lost daughters and sisters, their bodies property for reasons of necessity, exploitation and drugs.

There are no sinister strangers taking advantage of these women, the “johns” are teachers, bus drivers, social workers, brothers and fathers paying little girls for sex.

It was a rough day, to do my counselling job, to hold crying women who’ve been violated, to listen to people of colour who’ve been the victims of racism and just want to take their lives, sometimes they find the hardships they experience to be just way more than they can bare.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t cry about it all sometimes.

I’d also be lying if I said it didn’t make me want to drink. But I won’t. It would put me on the wrong side of the front lines.

It’s weird, but I wouldn’t trade my experiences for anything, I love every second I spend caring for strangers.

That doesn’t make it less hard.

Sex work is a far more complex issue than this, there are some women who do it, like it and have no intention of leaving. They are the minority.

The women and girls I heard from, it was never a choice, it was never the glamour of “Pretty Woman” it is never the easy road.

They are so easily preyed upon by rapists, serial killers, gangs, pushers, dealers and hustlers.

Sometimes it’s easy to come home from a day like today and want to give up, but if I don’t add my energy and my will to the powers of good, then what’s my purpose?

Instead I’ll love my family and take care of myself so I can care for others…and, I’ll remember this phrase…

“illegitimi non carborundum”

Don’t let the bastards grind you down